Stop just stop it already

I knew this is not gonna end well and that it will end or it has to stop..but I feel terrible about it.
I am just way too tired and way too puzzled to say anything more about it. But what made me go back to bloggin and made me excited, happy and made me go out and just enjoy pretty days...well it's over. I know this is the right thing but if it is why on Earth it makes me feel so crapy about it?!
Missing.....

Walkin on in sunshine

My workout is complete for today. I guess M would laugh at this, since I just analized it to him that I need to get back on my regular work-out routine and that on days I work I am too tired or don't have time, but day offs (like today) are perfect for a little workout. I know I shouldn't take our 2 hour hill climbin walk as a training...but haha I felt so lazy when I got home.

I have to say there is something about walkin in sunshine that just makes me sooooo happy. It fills me up with energy and just makes my day. I guess that's why I am grumpy all winter...I miss the sunshine.

Our walk was so much fun. Except for the fact that I had to face my actions (retarded texts) in person and give an explanation on why and how my little messed up head comes to big messed up conclusions. I kind of managed not to get into details...but awww my face is probably still red :o)
And the funny thing is that I still donno what is this all about?! I wanna know! Ms Fabolous doesn't understand it either. (and she is an expert) so it is not my fault. :)
I enjoy hangin out with M a lot. Life shouldn't be just work and sleep..and I tend to forget about this sometimes.

Gotta love Ms Fabolous. So we are planning to hang out - the three of us - and her first idea is to go to the spa. Yeah right...I prefer not to show up in bikini infront of anyone I know...except if waterpark is involved..cause I love it way to much to resist. :o)

BooBoo's phone is broken. HavenÍt heard his voice for 3 days. Dislike to the fullest! I can't even remember when was the last time I haven't heard his voice for such a long time. Okay..I won't be a baby about it, I got a mail from him.

ur little messed up head

Okay...so if u doubt urself and have strange and bothering thoughts maybe it is not the best idea to share it.
Here is the thing. In my life not counting the days in the US just the ones at home...but that is still like 90% of my life...or whatever..I don't wanna count it out...soooo people have been nice to me to a)get close to a friend of mine b)needed help c) they were really good friends with a friend of mine and I was just he buy one get 2. I felt like they weren't friends with me because of me...but cause of my friend I was excepted.

So for me it was totally normal to assume that I am in one of those 3 above mentioned situations...turns out no. But by asking someone that oh u hang out with me to be able to hang out with my friend....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I am such an idiot. But I got a cute response to my weirdo self doubting text: "I wonder what is going on in that little messed up head of urs when it makes up such silly thoughts".

Even when someone is genuinely nice with me I suspect something bad...this is kind of sad.
Sometimes I wish I had the self confidence of some other...who may just have a little too much. Whoever says this can be learn is liar. Nah..cause even if u "act" like u r confident u still gonna have that little voice in ur head questioning stuff.

It is funny how I can see other people's issues / situations perfectly well...read between the lines and notice the almost unnoticable little signs...but in my case even if they would post it on billboards addressed to me I still wouldn't belive it.

Anyways...looking forward my day off tomorrow...and hopefully a nice and sunny day. (it says it is gonna be windy :( but I still have hope for sunshine)

Annoyed

Argh..I am sooooo annoyed! And I am annoyed cause of the fact that I am annoyed. FRUSTRATED!!! I could list at least 10 things that made me grumpy today...but then there is a hidden reason that I don't even know..that just makes me wanna scream. Do u ever get that feeling? (who am I asking this from?)

He didn't write :o( probably cause he has waaaaaaaay better things to do on a Friday night...while I am sittin here with smoke comin out of my ears. Aaaaaaaaaa but it would have brightened my day...This shouldn't have happened. I got addicted to these messages..and now that I didn't receive it makes me craaaaaazy!

At least I got to walk all the way home with dad who finished soccer just when I got off from work. And got to talk with BooBoo and we didn't continue where we left of yesterday, but had our usual fun and lovin talk.

Killin with kindness

This is / has been and will be my motto. Works magic at work tooo no furious guest can take it if u stay nice and friendly. :o) BUT never thought that someone will turn my own weapon against me...
When you complain and share that u have a horrible day or days or week...and then u get such lovely words back that u can't even continue to feel bad about ur bad days. Kindness is killin my grumpy mood :D

Or at least a bit..cause just got off the phone with BooBoo who managed to lead me back into my upset mood. Sight! I just don't get it. Why oh why why does drama need to be created when nothing happens?! I am tired. I should just foget about the crapy stuff and focus on the very few but very lovley things that happened today and go to bed smilin.

The "phone" mission

Oh boy I am turning into such a girl. Ammm well those of u who don't know me (onl yknow that I am a female) may find this statement weird...but actually it is totally normal. I am not a typical girl with the typical girlie thinigies...but for example this "phone mission" is something I haven't done before...strategize whether to write or not....but now that it worked - cause it worked - I kind of enjoy it. Soooooo yesterdays plan worked just fine...by afternoon a missed call was waiting for me. Probably I wasn't the only one surprised that I could resist writing back :o)

The only problem with this little theory-mission-project or whatever of mine is...that I am not girlie enough to know what this all means. Cause I guess people in general know why they make the other person wait on a text..and what if that person calls cause u didn't write back?! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa LOL . Life's "biggest" problems.

No! But really. Not that anyone reads this...and even if someone does probably noone can follow these crazy thughts of mine all written down in a secret language so it is not completly obvious what I am talkin about. But in case someone reads it and has some thoughts other then me being a complete nutcase..please feel free to comment :o)

Put the phone down!

Why is it sooo hard to "not to write a text" ?! And if I made up my mind not to do so why I keep thinkin about it?!
Probably just writin a quick text would end my "suffering" and wouldn't even think about it. But since I have decided not to write it has been hauntin me :o) And is the future recepient of the text also staring at the phone waiting for my response?!
I don't even care much about phones and text messages. How do phone-aholic people deal with this on a daily basis?

The goal is Thursday evening....hah I know. It is just Tuesday. Anyways...here's the plan. 1. set the alarm 2. go to bed 3.switch of the phone...make it to work...since I won't be thinkin about it at work...then get home...repeat step 1, 2 & 3 and mission accomplished.

Stop just stop it already

I knew this is not gonna end well and that it will end or it has to stop..but I feel terrible about it.
I am just way too tired and way too puzzled to say anything more about it. But what made me go back to bloggin and made me excited, happy and made me go out and just enjoy pretty days...well it's over. I know this is the right thing but if it is why on Earth it makes me feel so crapy about it?!
Missing.....

Walkin on in sunshine

My workout is complete for today. I guess M would laugh at this, since I just analized it to him that I need to get back on my regular work-out routine and that on days I work I am too tired or don't have time, but day offs (like today) are perfect for a little workout. I know I shouldn't take our 2 hour hill climbin walk as a training...but haha I felt so lazy when I got home.

I have to say there is something about walkin in sunshine that just makes me sooooo happy. It fills me up with energy and just makes my day. I guess that's why I am grumpy all winter...I miss the sunshine.

Our walk was so much fun. Except for the fact that I had to face my actions (retarded texts) in person and give an explanation on why and how my little messed up head comes to big messed up conclusions. I kind of managed not to get into details...but awww my face is probably still red :o)
And the funny thing is that I still donno what is this all about?! I wanna know! Ms Fabolous doesn't understand it either. (and she is an expert) so it is not my fault. :)
I enjoy hangin out with M a lot. Life shouldn't be just work and sleep..and I tend to forget about this sometimes.

Gotta love Ms Fabolous. So we are planning to hang out - the three of us - and her first idea is to go to the spa. Yeah right...I prefer not to show up in bikini infront of anyone I know...except if waterpark is involved..cause I love it way to much to resist. :o)

BooBoo's phone is broken. HavenÍt heard his voice for 3 days. Dislike to the fullest! I can't even remember when was the last time I haven't heard his voice for such a long time. Okay..I won't be a baby about it, I got a mail from him.

ur little messed up head

Okay...so if u doubt urself and have strange and bothering thoughts maybe it is not the best idea to share it.
Here is the thing. In my life not counting the days in the US just the ones at home...but that is still like 90% of my life...or whatever..I don't wanna count it out...soooo people have been nice to me to a)get close to a friend of mine b)needed help c) they were really good friends with a friend of mine and I was just he buy one get 2. I felt like they weren't friends with me because of me...but cause of my friend I was excepted.

So for me it was totally normal to assume that I am in one of those 3 above mentioned situations...turns out no. But by asking someone that oh u hang out with me to be able to hang out with my friend....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I am such an idiot. But I got a cute response to my weirdo self doubting text: "I wonder what is going on in that little messed up head of urs when it makes up such silly thoughts".

Even when someone is genuinely nice with me I suspect something bad...this is kind of sad.
Sometimes I wish I had the self confidence of some other...who may just have a little too much. Whoever says this can be learn is liar. Nah..cause even if u "act" like u r confident u still gonna have that little voice in ur head questioning stuff.

It is funny how I can see other people's issues / situations perfectly well...read between the lines and notice the almost unnoticable little signs...but in my case even if they would post it on billboards addressed to me I still wouldn't belive it.

Anyways...looking forward my day off tomorrow...and hopefully a nice and sunny day. (it says it is gonna be windy :( but I still have hope for sunshine)

Annoyed

Argh..I am sooooo annoyed! And I am annoyed cause of the fact that I am annoyed. FRUSTRATED!!! I could list at least 10 things that made me grumpy today...but then there is a hidden reason that I don't even know..that just makes me wanna scream. Do u ever get that feeling? (who am I asking this from?)

He didn't write :o( probably cause he has waaaaaaaay better things to do on a Friday night...while I am sittin here with smoke comin out of my ears. Aaaaaaaaaa but it would have brightened my day...This shouldn't have happened. I got addicted to these messages..and now that I didn't receive it makes me craaaaaazy!

At least I got to walk all the way home with dad who finished soccer just when I got off from work. And got to talk with BooBoo and we didn't continue where we left of yesterday, but had our usual fun and lovin talk.

Killin with kindness

This is / has been and will be my motto. Works magic at work tooo no furious guest can take it if u stay nice and friendly. :o) BUT never thought that someone will turn my own weapon against me...
When you complain and share that u have a horrible day or days or week...and then u get such lovely words back that u can't even continue to feel bad about ur bad days. Kindness is killin my grumpy mood :D

Or at least a bit..cause just got off the phone with BooBoo who managed to lead me back into my upset mood. Sight! I just don't get it. Why oh why why does drama need to be created when nothing happens?! I am tired. I should just foget about the crapy stuff and focus on the very few but very lovley things that happened today and go to bed smilin.

The "phone" mission

Oh boy I am turning into such a girl. Ammm well those of u who don't know me (onl yknow that I am a female) may find this statement weird...but actually it is totally normal. I am not a typical girl with the typical girlie thinigies...but for example this "phone mission" is something I haven't done before...strategize whether to write or not....but now that it worked - cause it worked - I kind of enjoy it. Soooooo yesterdays plan worked just fine...by afternoon a missed call was waiting for me. Probably I wasn't the only one surprised that I could resist writing back :o)

The only problem with this little theory-mission-project or whatever of mine is...that I am not girlie enough to know what this all means. Cause I guess people in general know why they make the other person wait on a text..and what if that person calls cause u didn't write back?! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa LOL . Life's "biggest" problems.

No! But really. Not that anyone reads this...and even if someone does probably noone can follow these crazy thughts of mine all written down in a secret language so it is not completly obvious what I am talkin about. But in case someone reads it and has some thoughts other then me being a complete nutcase..please feel free to comment :o)

Put the phone down!

Why is it sooo hard to "not to write a text" ?! And if I made up my mind not to do so why I keep thinkin about it?!
Probably just writin a quick text would end my "suffering" and wouldn't even think about it. But since I have decided not to write it has been hauntin me :o) And is the future recepient of the text also staring at the phone waiting for my response?!
I don't even care much about phones and text messages. How do phone-aholic people deal with this on a daily basis?

The goal is Thursday evening....hah I know. It is just Tuesday. Anyways...here's the plan. 1. set the alarm 2. go to bed 3.switch of the phone...make it to work...since I won't be thinkin about it at work...then get home...repeat step 1, 2 & 3 and mission accomplished.